OMG I WANT TO SEE THE REST OF THIS EPISODE! (Apparently S5E18 of Wife Swap)
Quite articulate for a 180lb 7 year old white trash kid, ain't he? (Thanks to Ohnoyoudidn't). HILARIOUS!
Yes, I love my bacon too, and not like I'm a skinny guy, so really, I'm not one to talk, but you know, COME ON!
Vance at http://tapeworthy.blogspot.com
Look, the new Melrose Place looks pretty bad, but I'll watch it at least once just for Michael Rady (Kostas!, Greek!). (And if they can manage to pay Heather Locklear enough to come back as Amanda, then I will definitely be back again).
I'll dissect the rest of it more in my Fall TV Preview (if I ever get around to it, sorry, been busy working, enjoying summer and uploading the cutest pictures of my friends' kids on facebook) but really, what other point is there to watching a show that has Ashley Simpson (oh sorry. AshleE Simpson-WENTZ. Gag me)?
Okay. Maybe this:
Look, I'm WAY behind on my blogging and I don't have time for proper theatre reviews or even TV rants, so in the meantime, here's gratuitous photos of Colin Egglesfield. One of the many thespians on the Melrose reboot. Enjoy! (You're probably thanking me for not posting real "words" aren't you?)
Vance at http://tapeworthy.blogspot.com
The Bachelorette - Jillian Harris - Eps. 501-503
Canadian Globe and Mail TV critic John Doyle (who thinks Leah Miller is superior to Cat Deeley, so you have to take him with a grain of salt. No one is better than Cat Deeley) called Jillian a disgrace to the nation but I think that's a bit harsh. There would definitely be a few others I would put before her. All she did was kiss a man in a hot tub she had only met recently. Who HASN'T done that before?
And can you blame her for getting all hot and bothered now that she's being thrown 30 mostly hot men? Okay, there's Tanner P.ervert. (below with his arms around Michael. Yes, apparently these guys are after Jillian, supposedly. More on that in a sec.) with his creepy foot fetish which he isn't shy about. 
Then there's Juan (on the right). He's the suave gentle Argentinian American. I'd swoon but he's 35 and single and way too normal. So what the heck is he doing on this show and what's wrong with him?
Especially considering psycho DavEyes (above right with Robert who seemed nice until he backed up DavEyes last night) wants to kill him (No really, he said it several times in front of the camera and to the camera. Does he realize this is being filmed for national television?). Seriously, I liked him at first when he seemed awkward and nerdlike but apparently that first night was just a front for the next psycho killer. 
Maybe DavEyes is just mad that Juan is in the wrong competition. I laughed at what Idolatry star Kristen Baldwin had to say about Juan, since it was exactly what I had been thinking. Juan just seemed TOO attentive and... nice...
Anyways, Jillian's been kissing a LOT of the guys but I would too if I had these guys (here are my faves):
Reid, 30, Realtor, Philadelphia, PA
Probably my current favorite, and I think he'll go farther than we think he will, based on the editing around him (so far seems nice, not too much info on him but isn't totally ignored).
Mark, 26, Pizza Entrepreneur, Denver, CO
I still can't pick him out from the lineup of the guys on TV but when I DO realize it's him, I like him. But he's still in the competition. Even though we don't see a lot of him. Which could be good or bad. He's not an ass like DavEyes, creepy like Tanner P.ervert, or trying way too hard like Wes. So there's that at least. So what does Pizza Entrepreneur actually mean? He owns the pizza place? Or he makes the pizza? (Or. uh, delivers it?)
Kypton, 31, Business Developer Encinitas, CA
Jillian doesn't have an emotional connection with him. Mainly a physical one. Uh, YEAH! So would I. He'd be in 3rd place for me at this point. 
Jake, 31, Commercial Pilot, Dallas, TX
Probably the front runner and if he didn't come off as totally perfect, I think he would still be in first place with me too. Seriously, he's TOO perfect. His date was perfect. He said the right things, his awkwardly timed kiss even came off perfectly. Plus did you see him in that cowboy gear sans shirt? Ola! I know they did the Brokeback joke in a subsequent episode with Michael and ... uh... one of the guys (cause I still can't really tell some of them apart), but please Brokeback me Jake!
There has GOT to be something wrong with him too right?
Meanwhile, just as I was beginning to like Sasha on his individual date/car race, Jillian goes and dumps him because he's never been in love. Uh, well, isn't that what he's here for? If he were already in love, he'd probably still be there (especially considering there are 2 or 3 guys that may have secret girlfriends at home? based on clips of upcoming eps?).
Meanwhile, the nice Brad and Tanner F. (not the pervert), who both seemed genuinely nice if not slightly shy, were sent packing. This Jillian about a 50/50 chance marrying a douchebag from the current roster of elligible bachelors.
I'm still a maybe on Jesse and Michael (I think only because he looks like one of my friend's hot husband). Still can't remember Ed or Mike. And wavering on Robby.
Vance at http://tapeworthy.blogspot.com
Considering how mad I get sometimes at the crappy shows that get to air (Paris Hilton's British BFF? WTF?), and considering how busy I am to waste time (and how I still haven't written about how great Southland, The Unusuals or Party Down are), it's proof of my hypocrisy that I kinda want to see the train wreck that The Cougar seems to be.
Especially when the contestant with the most potential, Colt, still seems so hilariously dweeby/douchey under his cool exterior. (The others come off even WORSE in their videos).
Though maybe it's cause I'm starting to feel like a cougar nowadays, especially after hanging out with some of my younger friends this past weekend. So you know, I get her, the cougar.
The show premieres Wed. April 15th at 10pm on TVLand Prime which I'm guessing is one of the bajillion cable networks in the states.
Vance at http://tapeworthy.blogspot.com
Bear with me on my shallowness this week (as opposed to my shallowness every other week). It's Valentine's Day this weekend. I'm single. I get this one. I could talk about how awesome Lost or 30 Rock was this week, but it's Valentine's Day weekend, I'm single and I'm bitter (and you wonder why I'm still single?) so I can't rapt lovely on the awesomeness of those shows (I've got to save my smiles to last through faking it through the weekend) and instead, I'm going bask in the hollowness of gratuitous photos of buff guys and I'm going to enjoy the view!
The Real World: Brooklyn - Daddy Dearest and the Dueling Divas, Friends and Enemies, Battle of the Sexes - Eps. 2104-2106
Scott (above, being photographed in the buff): "...It's your soul that makes you who you are, not what your body looks like." - (to Ryan while discussing transgendered Katelynn's self-image)
And who says pretty people aren't wise and astute?
I'd laugh (cause there has GOT to be some irony in there) if I was thinking properly but I'm just brainlessly starring at Scott's body right now (more photos below, some may might be NSFW).
I'd also be annoyed if Scott actually didn't seem like a generally nice guy (though he could probably have a better sense of humour (like his non-reaction to Chet's "Guide to dating like Scott")). Okay, the guy might be bringing home a new girl every night, but hell, if I looked like that, I'd be whoring myself around too! Still, the guy doesn't seem as big of a tool as previous buff Real Worlders. And while I'm sure part of it was because he felt left out of the loop (and the show since he's barely had a personality until recently), Scott did seem like he truly wanted to be Katelynn's friend and buddy.
Even Ryan and Chet, who still act idiotically a lot, are kinda endearing, or am I just that sadly desperate right now?
And how are the straights looking better than the LGBT's right now? Katelynn bless her heart is relishing her new feminine body but I'm glad the other roomates are trying to point out that pole dancing is not generally a requirement to be female. J.D. is a gossipy opinionated 'mo, and uh... so sadly I recognize myself far more than I would want to in him (and sadly it ain't the abs). Still, I could see why the girls are angry with him. Now I must go apologize to a few of my girlfriends now...
More on Survivor: Tocantins, True Beauty:
Survivor: Tocantins - Let's Get Rid of the Weak Players Before We Even Start - Ep. 1801 - Season Premiere
Yup, Spencer (above) IS cute. I was right! So is nerdy Stephen, hillbilly JT and Brendan. 
"Coach" is annoying. He's got a decent bod but he's too bossy and his hair has got to go. But 1/16 is not bad so far. Sandy verges on it but she's amusing enough too. I just wish she was better at covering her tracks while searching for the Immunity Idol. At least pretend and lie that you set up SOMETHING at camp while you were waiting for the others.
Poor Carolina is already out, just cause she was a LEEETTLE naggy already. (And really, compared to previous seasons, it was nothing). Maybe this season really IS going to be with the nicest survivors ever (or so the Probst and producers claim).
True Beauty - Ep. 106
The naked guy's gone. He just wasn't beautiful enough on the inside I guess. Usually I wouldn't care but I kind of liked Ray and his constant streaking for no apparent reason. Boo.
Oh well, I'll just have to enjoy these pictures of Scott Herman from The Real World: Brooklyn, so girls (and by girls I mean the girls and the gays), enjoy! (for the straight dudes, I'll eventually post something for ya, though I'm surprised you got this far down the post in the first place):
Vance at http://tapeworthy.blogspot.com
