Sunday, July 08, 2007

Big Brother Trifecta - "And It Felt Like a Splat of Vomit"

Head over to QTA's for his first full Sunday Big Brother post with hilarious images included. Here's the basic post to get you started (with my comments in red):

Well hello! And welcome to QTA's first Sunday night report on Big Brother 8. We have much to discuss so let's waste no time and get right to the opinions, the recap, and the fun!

First.... I LOVE Jameka! Who was the first person to run to Daniele with a sandwich.... um... I mean a hug? Jameka. Who was the one hoping Big Brother Slop would be yummy? Jameka. Who was the the one to call out the makers of Big Brother Slop for being inhumane? Jameka. I expect we will get to see a lot of Jameka... and we will all be the better for it. (A first Amen to that!)

Second.... I HATE Jen, Kail, and Jessica! (Can I say Amen to that again? I'm not even religious!) JESSICA is just a petty, nasty girl.... she is Heather #1... only without the warmth and charm and killer fashion sense.

BULGING VEINS: JEN.. well... Jen is just pathetic. I about choked on my delicious turkey and swiss on kaiser roll with just a touch of a spicy honey mustard when she BROKE DOWN and wept over her Big Brother wall picture. (This may be the greatest comedy since The Office! That was ridiculously funny!) I mean she actually stood there and covered the picture with her hand and sobbed, not letting anyone see it.... saying that she would stay there until Big Brother changed the picture. Of course everyone thought she was joking.... and once they realized she wasn't.... they all just slowly backed out of the room... and who can blame them? I mean REALLY! Who does this? No one likes pictures of themselves... except for HomoJoeJoe (I'll get to him in a minute). But what tops the cake with Jen.... is that after this big production about her picture.... she goes into the Diary Room and GROTESQUELY blubbers about it some more until these UGLY GIANT VEINS popped out on her forehead, and snot ran down her nose! Jen, honey, a word of advice from QTA.... the picture is not that bad, and to make such a production about it only makes you look petty, silly, and vapid.... but, GIRL.... the veins on your forehead are quite another story.

MEDEA vs. Mrs. ROBINSON: KAIL's new nickname is MEDEA. As HOH (Head of Household), Kail's room is decorated with pictures of her family.... and after watching the first two episodes of this show and a few hours of After Dark... I am really wondering how her children nursed from her and thrived. Things we learned about Kail in this episode.... She loves the letter "T," as evidenced by the names of her children... Tyler, Trey, and Téa (or some variation on the spelling). She is gunning for HomoJoeJoe... because he is a competitor (read... a big loud Mo... and we already know she doesn't like people who "choose that lifestyle"). And she believes in the "Spirit of Fairness." But I am guessing that this "spirit" doesn't exist in her game play... but maybe it is just me.

Kail, however, is playing the game like a champ! She has already developed an alliance with the three biggest, beefiest men in the house... Mike, Nick, and Zach. (Um, have you SEEN THE ABS? ESPECIALLY ON MIKE and NICK? Well, at least we know the absmen will stick around this week!) Mike referred to the group as Mrs. Robinson and her 3 boys... (creepy...) Well boys... QTA has some advice for you as well.... Medea killed her children... and Mrs. Robinson has other things on her agenda than her own children... so either way... you lose. Kail has also nominated the house's single mother... thus already trying to eliminate her biggest competition... good play.

HOT GAY MESSINESS: QTA is so torn on this particular coupling. On one hand... HomoJoeJoe is VERY Annoying! He is too forthcoming with very personal information. He is a potential liar. Fine. What is starting to really bother me about this whole thing... and, consequently, making me want to stick up for HomoJoeJoe despite his problems, is the things I am reading about him on the net and the things people are saying about him on the show. On the show he is labeled as "loud" and "out there" which we all know is code for TOO HOMOSEXUAL. This also seems to be a big reason for people to hate on him online... this is coming mainly from gay men who feel that he is too much of a Sissy and that he is setting back the Homo Agenda.... "where are the gay men who are normal like me?" "Sissies like Joe don't represent gay America." This sort of tripe. If you want to hate Joe... fine... hate him... he could be lying his ass off, he could be a real slime ball.... I want to hate him too... but people hating on him for his Sissy persona makes that difficult for me... help me help you people... help me help you. (Um, no. HomoJoeJoe is annoying because he keeps screaming Gonorrhea over and over again and it's all against Dustin who I think I already love. Dustin. Call me when you get out of this big mess).

The truth is... HomoJoeJoe is a Hot Fucking Mess, and Dustin is playing the game brilliantly so far... but this big Gay Drama... with all of its immaculate contraction of gonorrhea, while entertaining for America... is not helping either of their game play. Shape up boys and work together here. Alas, it may be too late for HomoJoeJoe already... he has annoyed everyone in the house.

BIG HAIR ALWAYS WINS: The Food Competition this week pitted the Red team against the Blue team in a contest to see which team could transport the most "BUTTER" on their bodies to the "POPCORN." Jessica let us know that it was BIG BODIES vs. BIG HAIR as the Blue team had all the big guys and the Red team had a lot of women with big and long hair.... well... needless to say... Big hair holds a lot more "BUTTER" (I don't really want to know what this product really is... there was over 100 pounds of it transported by the players... on their bodies).

TELL ERIC WHAT TO DO: Eric, America's Player, is ready to do what we want.... (insert muhahahahah here). This week, we get to decide to whom Eric should pour his heart out. QTA says that we should vote for him to cozy up to Kail with his sob story in order to manipulate her and get her out.... or... pour his heart out to Dustin in order to introduce a big GAY SHOMANCE into the HOT GAY DRAMA already taking place... what do you think? (I think he should cozy up to Nick, that way he get's the boys and Mrs. Robinson's sympathy. He will already get the girls sympathy no matter what, and I think Dustin will also cozy up well (though he would be my second choice))

NOMINATIONS FOR EVICTION: "In the spirit of fairness," Kail nominated Carol and Amber for eviction, as I already told you in the After Dark post. I think Carol is a goner here, because Amber is a real player and is already hard at work. We will see very soon. (Boo, I kinda liked Carol. Especially in the Carol vs. Jessica war.)

Well, that it all for Me. Tune into Tapeworthy for Tuesday's recap, and ModFab for Thursday's recap. Tune into QTA for Sunday's recap and Big Brother After Dark recaps.

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