Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Big Brother - What's That Odor I Smell?

Happy Independence Day America! And for all that independence, what do you get? You get trash TV like Big Brother on your network TV! Hoorah! Back again for the 8TH SEASON starting TOMORROW NIGHT (Thursday July 5th at 8pm on CBS and Global TV in Canada). Still, it's not even really American Trash TV. It's imported (then again, isn't almost everything these days? though usually from China and not the Netherlands) and not even imported that well. Have you SEEN Big Brother UK or Australia? Now THAT'S TRASH!

Still, every summer I swear I tell myself I won't get myself into it, and every summer since Chicken George squawked all over network TV, I get sucked right back in. It's just SO GOOOOOOOOOD. (Hey people, I don't smoke and I don't do drugs. I know. I'm very square and very happy about it. So this is my little bad habit indulgence if you please!)

So this year, instead of lone coverage of the Big Brother nutjobs/houseguests, fellow bloggers ModFab and QTA (Queering The Apparatus) and I will blog and bitch and rant and yell and criticize and add unsolicted advice and opinions about the house and housemates throughout the summer, as our little hamsters are trapped without connection to the world, except through CBS' intrepid "journalist"/wife-of-head-honcho-so-can't-get-fired Julie Chen.

ModFab will cover Sundays (Airs at 8pm)
I, Vance will cover Tuesdays (Airs at 9pm)
and QTA will cover Thursdays (Airs at 8pm) as well as the occasional Showtime Too's airings of Big Brother: After Dark (and yes, we all have our fingers crossed that there will be lots of nudity. Oh crap. I don't get Showtime. Oh well, Nudity for QTA nonetheless!).

Here are ModFab and Queering The Apparatus' first posts.

So, to get us started, let's meet our nutjobs/houseguests/hamsters and my first impressions based on picture and the few internet details alone. None of which matters since usually first impressions don't always hold up, our beloved Janelle as the best example of that.

So here are Big Brother 8's contestants. Last one out this summer wins the crown and the glory of being... oh what the heck, seriously, does anybody remember who won since Will? It's the middle parts when the most backstabbings and wheeling and dealing happens that is the best part!

Amber- a separated 27-year-old cocktail waitress from Las Vegas, NV

Seems kinda harsh and annoying. Plus, separated at 27 already? Oh joy. I see issues like a catalogue of National Geographic.

Carol - a single 21-year-old student from Lawrence, KS

Her favorite show is So You Think You Can Dance. Plus she's super cute. I like her already. Though I see a bit of backstabber beneath that teethy grin. Let's hope she uses it for good and not evil (well, not evil towards the people I like. Evil to people I don't like is not evil, that's just payback).

Danielle - a single 20-year-old waitress from Huntington Beach, CA

Another waitress. Um, that's all I have to say since she looks like that IS her whole personality at this point. Though she has decent taste in music. I'll give her that.

Dick - a single 44-year-old bar manager from Los Angeles, CA

Some people just have names that seem to suit them. Some parents just make it too easy sometimes. People having babies. THINK ABOUT YOUR NAME CHOICES VERY SERIOUSLY. Anyways, is a hard rock band from the late 80's early 90's missing a member? I think we found him.

Dustin - a single 22-year-old shoe salesman from Chicago, IL

Hmm... just like Al Bundy. Only gayer (or at least rumoured to be so, but come on. Rupert Everett as your favorite actor? Was that even acting?).

Eric - a single 27-year-old talent management assistant from New York, NY

He may be the secretly-sensitive-guy-but-acts-all-dudish-male of the house. I'll give him credit for choosing How I Met Your Mother for favorite TV shows and Zach Gilford of Friday Night Lights as one of his favorite actors.

Jameka - a single 28-year-old school counselor from Waldorf, MD

Oh look. The token black person! She even has a black sounding name! Man. CBS went all out didn't they? They can't vote her off can they? She's too nice. And black. It would be too un-pc. She seems sweet but she like the TV show Martin. Nice but no taste.

Jen - a single 23-year-old nanny from Beverly Hills, CA

I got nothing.

Jessica - a single 21-year-old college student from Haysville, KS

She looks like the sorority princess. She also looks 36. Speaking of which, Dustin is only 22? He looks more like 42 (though I do like his eyes and the dishelveled hair thing is kinda sexy in a similar way I think Clark Gregg on The New Adventures of Old Christine looks sexy).

Joe - a single 23-year-old receptionist from Chicago, IL

A SECOND Gay man in the house? What? Where are we? Did I get transported to England? He's a bitch and he knows it. Could be fun, or could be annoyingly embarrasing and 3 steps back for gay men everywhere. I kinda hope it's a bit of a mixture of both actually.

Kail - a married 37-year-old business owner from McKenzie Bridge, OR

She's the only married person in the house, and she's the oldest female. If she can survive the first ousting, she may slide under the radar and if she's smart enough, help manipulate the houseguests to her liking while playing mother hen. Or, she could be the first one out.

Mike - a single 26-year-old painting contractor from Three Lakes, WI

Dude, Sweet. This guy will be super sweet and the big ol' lug that everyone... ah. who are we kidding. This is Big Brother. This guy is going to be annoying as hell and hitting on all the women (and maybe even men when he's drunk).

Nick - a single 25-year-old former professional football player from Kimball, MN

If he didn't have the hair on the chin, he could be likable. Sadly, he's going to be closer to Mike Boogie territory than Kaysar. Let's hope I'm wrong.

Zach - a single 30-year-old graphic designer from Burbank, CA

Maybe white people DO look old? Or maybe I'm just used to having the Asian-I-look-5-years-younger-than-I-really-am gene. Seriously. This guy is only 30? He looks about 50 in this pic and that smile ain't helping.

So there you have it. One of them will win the game, most of them will be losers (and that doesn't mean they are necessarily independent from each other). They will live in the newly spruced up house, which takes UGLY to a whole new level if I do say so myself.

There is also a new twist called America's Player, where America votes to control one players every move in the house (apparently), and at this point, is rumoured to be a guy, but there you have it. The basics for now until tomorrow when ModFab will take us through the premiere episode! Until then, time to buy some disinfectant spray (or make a vinegar-water environmentally sounder version).

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