How I Met Your Mother - How I Met Your March Madness

The Bracket - Ep. 314

It's the end of March Madness (thank god) and Ted and Marshall are betting on the basketball games...oh, I zoned out there. What? Oh, they are losing right away anyways. MOVING ON!...

More importantly, Barney is being slapped again and not by Marshall this time (but what are we down to? Two more?). Every girl he seems to hit on ends up slapping him just after things seem to be going well. Lily discovers that there is a vengeful blonde woman following Barney and warning the girls about his womanizing ways. Except Lily doesn't remember what she looks like.

So Barney must remember the blonde woman that he had spurned. Apparently, not that easy. So Barney utilizes the Big Board Bracket (with the Big Board that Ted and Marshall stole from Lily's school, hilarious, I love these side tangents, mainly because that's how I write and speak too, as you may have noticed... where were we?) to determine the offending blonde. With some help from his friends of course, and a little beer as enticement.

So we get the requisite montages of the history of Barney's spruned lovers and what has happenned to them since, as Lily tries desperately to get Barney to apologize for being a cad.

By the end, we still don't know the offending blonde, but apparently she will be back, and she will be important. "Mother" perhaps? Someone leading to "Mother"? Having Barney be an important part of Ted (Mosby, who is a jerk) and "Mother"'s meeting would be quite clever and make his existence even more satisfying (you know, other than employing Neil Patrick Harris in his hilarious career reviving role).

I do wonder, was the blonde originally supposed to be Stella? Is it Stella? Considering Alicia Silverstone was originally in Sarah Chalke's role and had signed on for several episodes for a longer story arc, Stella obviously played a bigger part to this whole story of how Ted met the "mother".

So alas, Barney finally apologizes when he thinks he has met his match (after a hilarious set up using Robin (finally!) who is a TERRIBLE liar), but alas, it was the wrong woman but Lily is proud of him anyways.

Of course, if she only knew what he wrote in his blog (um, what was that music? That wasn't the Doogie Howser theme song was it?) (UPDATE: Yes, yes it was!):



Here's an exerpt from Barney's Blog (though not the one he typed on the show):

Retaining evidence of ANYTHING you’ve ever said or done is foolish if not actionable, particularly if you’ve said and done the type of things I’ve said and done. But I am human, after all, and have a unique soft spot for the many many many acrobatic moments I’ve shared with willing ladies over the years. So how best to cherish these memories? 

Most suggest a tawdry list or tally - hardly the proper forum for exalting the unique feminine beauties who, at some point in the past, so graciously let you nail them. That’s why I suggest today’s nostalgic gentlemen create and maintain a well-crafted scrapbook. Here’s how to do it. 

NOTE: Fight the urge to turn your scrapbook into a coffee table book. Lack of secrecy can and will lead to disastrous consequences, including, but not limited to, the destruction of your treasured scrapbook. 

HOW TO MAKE A SCRAPBOOK

STEP 1: GET LAID

STEP 2: TAKE PICTURE

Something tasteful that captures the true essence of the woman. You’ll want to experiment to find your own style, but I’ve found the combination of zoom lens and cleavage to be the most classically rewarding. 

STEP 3: GATHER ARTIFACTS

For instance, did you conjugate in a hotel? Well that room key doesn’t just unlock a room, it unlocks the memory of getting laid in that room. 

CHOOSE A COMPLIMENTARY COLOR

Preferably, the background color of each page should reflect some aspect of your quarry. Was she Goth? Make it black. Was she a bride? Make it white. Was she a nun? How about a mixture of black and white. 

STEP 5: PICK A BORDER

Here's where I really like to get creative. On page 83 of my own scrapbook, I detail a roll in the hay with a strapping young milkmaid. We quite literally rolled in hay. Hence, I constructed a border out of strands of hay I later found attached to my underpants. 

STEP 6: JOURNALING

A picture is worth a thousand words, but sometimes those thousand words leave you little to no idea just who the girl was, or more importantly, just who you were. More information is always helpful. Here’s a sample journal from one of my scrapbook pages: 

Alias: Elsworth Di Bona 

Angle: Prince of Norway – I was to set sail to reclaim my rightful Norwegian throne stolen from me by the evil Dr. Reifenstandt. It was a dangerous, and most likely, deadly mission but such was the risk necessary to ensure my family crest be restored to its rightful, noble grandeur. My enemies could have been lurking anywhere, so it was imperative I secure safe lodging for the night. 

Girl: Jenni Hendriks 

Measurements: 36-24-35 

Special notes: Great backrubs. Unfortunately, roommate raised by elderly Norwegian aunt. 

If seen again: Pretend you have twin brother; amnesia; or you’re undercover and can’t talk now. 

STEP 7: ENJOY YOUR SCRAPBOOK!

Not only have you commemorated your conquests in a classier way than the traditional notch on the bedpost, but you’ve also embarked on a lifelong hobby that will bestow great personal joy for years to come. Which brings us to the final and most important step of scrapbooking… 

STEP 8: GET LAID AGAIN