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Monday, November 19, 2007

For The Good Of Humanity, 10 Reasons Why The Moguls Need To Give In And End The Writers Strike

So there are new talks scheduled for Nov. 26 between the producers and the WGA to end the Writers Strike but to help show our support, there's a campaign to send environmentally sound pencils toward the moguls. A 1$ US will buy a dozen pencils sent to the moguls and hopefully there will be truckloads (and if they don't accept it, there is already a contingency plan to donate the pencils to schools!). It's so easy to do, and you can pay by paypal!

I would also say, DON'T WATCH TV or MOVIES ONLINE at this point, since that's one of the main issues right now (that writer's don't get paid for online content). You can wait it out for the strike to be over. So NO DOWNLOADS. NO STREAMING. NO WEBISODES. NO ONLINE CATCH UP.

Well, here are my 10 Reasons Why The End of The Writers Strike Is Important To You And All of Humanity:

1. No TV means people will have more time to do other things. Like have sex. Lots and lots of sex. Which result in lots and lots of babies. Babies they will inevitably force you to babysit, look at pictures of, bring onto airplanes where they will cry incessantly and keep you up the entire 10 hour flight. Mothers will be whipping out those boobs to feed their child everywhere and nowhere will be safe anymore.

2. No TV means people will have more time to travel (with their babies). This means they will use more carbon and kill the environment, but worse, they will insist on showing you their latest pictures of their overweight selves on the beach in Oahu or Thailand or fake holding the Tower of Pisa. Do you really want to sit through that slide show? Because you know even if they don't have a slide projector anymore, they can now use their blacked-out TV as a new slide show screen. They will.

3. No new movies or TV will mean that people will actually have to talk to one another. Whether at a restaurant, bar or at home. Couples will face each other and TALK. And realise what kinda mistake they got into in the first place. They will realise that without the distraction of a Hollywood life as a delusion, they really really hate the person they married (at least after they have sex and have babies) and it will end in separation and divorce. So for the love of the children, please bring TV and Movies back so that less people get divorced. (I know this is true because everyone I know that has been divorced lives in Vancouver where they are too hippie to actually watch TV and instead go hiking or eat granola bars together, but that means they talk to each other, realise they actually hate each other, then get divorced. True stories by the way).

4. No new movies or TV will mean more time spent playing online games. More online games will lead to gambling and then you will lose all your money to partypoker.com or the local casino. No TV and movies will make you poor and bankrupt. Just like the writers.

5. All the free time will make you fat. Because now you have time to cook and bake all those recipes you've been collecting online. Yeah, you say you will only bake things for the neighbour but since everyone is doing it, you'll just be exchanging the same pans of oil and flour and eventually you will end up eating it all. And get fat.

6. You will get a hernia because you will attempt to go to the gym more often, overexert yourself, and then practically kill yourself because your body was meant to lay on the couch all evening and not lift 100 lbs of weight. So for the sake of your health, the moguls need to bring the writers back.

7. No TV and Movies will mean you will go deaf. Because you're going to go out more and attend some concerts, and then realise that you are now too old for this sh$t and that your ears are bleeding from the extra loud speakers. So for the sake of your hearing, the WGA strike needs to end.

8. That annoying guy in the office/class that keeps repeating the best lines of the week? Well, he (and it's always a he, isn't it?) will run out of new material and be forced to sing songs out loud instead. And I'm sure he will pick "Bohemian Rhapsody". Do we really want to hear that over and over again?

9. Your parents are going to be your best friends again. Because you will have no choice when they call every hour since they have nothing to watch, and your love life will become the soap opera they can follow instead. And then they will visit out of the blue, just to make sure everything is okay, and to check out Missy/Jack/Darla/Frank for themselves and judge for themselves if they are good enough for you.

10. Because if all we are stuck with is reality TV, that means Bob Saget, Howie Mandel, Ryan Seacrest, Janice Dickensen and that dude from The Bachelor will OWN the TV network grid. How scary is THAT?

11. And as a bonus, if there is no new scripted TV and Movies, that means we will use much more energy doing other things like going out, cooking, travelling and having sex (well, energy to make beds to replace the ones you keep breaking) and that means GE wins but in the grander scheme of things, that really means the TERRORISTS HAVE WON.

So let's have an end to the Writers Strike and send a message/pencil to the Moguls that the writers deserve their demands, if only for the sake of humanity and winning the war on terrorism.

Oh yeah, and this is why I own all of Garth Brook's albums (though not the one where he "played" Chris Gaines).

Oh, and here's another reason why the strike needs to end. Gabrielle Union HAS to play Wilhelmina's little sister on Ugly Betty. How fantastic would THAT be? BRING IT ON!

7 comments:

Manuel B said...

If I didn't support the WGA strike before (and I did) your 'No TV=More babies' really brought it home. I hadn't thought about that, but now it all makes sense :)

Vance said...

I actually love babies but I'm talking one or two and usually ones that are related or my best friends only. All the others are UGLY. But No TV means EVERY straight will get bored and then procreate and we do NOT want that now do we? Support the WGA!!!

Scooter McGavin said...

If I didn't care about the WGA strike before, this certainly wouldn't have changed my mind on annount that it is so ludacious.

1. Haven't this people heard of controseptives? As a wise man once said, "There's no lovin' good enough to get burnt while I'm up in it." And that my friend is realer than Real Deal Holyfield.

2. Certainly doesn't apply to me as I am as hard to get on a plane as Mr. T.

3. Talk face to face? Seriously, I haven't talked face to face with someone since I got the internet.

4. I am actually one of those sad people that plays online poker with fake money.

5/6 . Totally contradict each other. Although suggesting that people will get fatter without TV maybe most innane arguement on the list.

7. Seriously, ever heard of ear plug? They sell them at every venue I've been at.

8. The only shows my coworkers watch are reality shows so the annoying American Kareoke and Dancing with Has Been will undoubtably continue. Plus I'm the annoying dude that sings Bohemian Rhapsody.

9. This is what call waiting is for. Plus my mother watches so much TV and is so behind she just called me last week to tell how she was shocked that they killed off the chief on Rescue Me.

10. My TV has a playstation and an offswitch.

11. No, the terrorists win if people vote for Hilary Clinton.

Scooter McGavin said...

Don't you hate it when you post an comment only to realize you mispelled a word. (It was supposed to be account, not annount). Yeah, that just totally ruined my rant. Seriously, when with Google install spell check into the comments?

Vance said...

haha, lukeely i gessed it carrectoly.

Also, you know I'm totally right. :P

And 6 was meant to come after 5. You will get fat, then attempt to go to the gym in your spare time only to realise your body was only meant for the couch.

Scooter McGavin said...

There was really no need to mock me.

And anyone who doesn't properly stretch before working out deserve a hernia.

I would love to say that you were right but that would imply I was wrong, which I have yet to be ever in my life, and I doubt I would start now, so I'm pretty sure I'm right.

But anyways. Happy Thanksgivings. Or Thurday I guess.

Vance said...

Sadly, just Thursday for me up here in Canada. But Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy your turkey and then don't forget to stretch before you go work it off!

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